I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
