either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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