trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
