John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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