god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
