woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
