I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
