you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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