I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
