Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
