mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I need a beard to bite.
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