we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
