That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
