it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
