this boner is exhausting
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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