So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
