You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
