I swear she didn't look like that last week.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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