Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
