just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
