:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just gift wrapped bread.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
