I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
