cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
false alarm, still single
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
