I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
