We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
