I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
