this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
