YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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