Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
