I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
