Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
