did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
