I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
