that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Green mimosas i think yes
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
