i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
