cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
