Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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