R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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