I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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