After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
