I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Operation Purity has been aborted
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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