I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
