This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
