well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
