So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He did a backflip because drugs
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