I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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