I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
