remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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