If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
