were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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