I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Never let your siblings swipe right.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
