i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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