words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
